bummed

I am a little bummed today which completely diff than I felt this weekend.  I went to sleep a little giddy last night because I was excited about what would come from contacting this group I found and for doing so well in my “active fighting” and because of a new blog I have been reading that I am enjoying and can’t wait to get some time to get back to reading.

This morning in checking my email the person I contacted had gotten back with me but instead if saying here are the dates and times of stuff, he said he wants me to call and make an appt to have a meeting to get to know me and what exactly I am going through and such so they can see what I need and want from them.  I was like, man.  I was hoping for it to be something easy I could just pop into and check out, but no, it has to be something hard and that jump right in there right away.  You see I hate calling people I don’t know and talking on the phone and asking for things and all that sort of stuff.  So this is totally out of my comfort zone.  Now I have done therapy before, so I have no problem with that face to face deepness, but I hate cold calling and talking over the phone like that.  Plus the guy is out of town this whole week, so it will be another week till I can do anything anyway.  So again, a let down.

Now I am bummed about that and even to the point where I am like, I don’t need to go to that anyway.  Who cares if I am attracted to girls, big deal.  It gives me some happiness and I like that.  I don’t need to talk about it or deal with it.  It doesn’t matter.  I can just keep that my little secret and continue my life as I have been doing…  lol.   So I am not so gung ho on getting the “help” that I supposedly need due to this issue.