Many have tried and failed to define ‘femme.’ For you heteros, a femme is generally a lesbian who identifies as feminine, as opposed to masculine, butch or androgynous. It is easier to define a femme by what she isn’t than by what she is. Femme is like pornography; you know it when you see it.
Femme is indefinable, ineffable and irresistible — a waft of perfume, and not the cheap kind. Femme is also tough, willing to sacrifice her own safety to protect her butch lover. Mostly, femme is invisible. A friend who ought to know better says that femmes are indistinguishable from straight women.
Femme is to straight as sushi is to fish sticks. Femme is femininity condensed, distilled into an essence. Society at large is immune to the femme essence because they have no training to detect it. Nor is anyone encouraged to recognize the power of femininity. At most, Joe Schmo points to Marilyn Monroe as having femme qualities.
Straight femmes do exist, Monroe being among the most famous. Audrey Hepburn springs to mind as being femme. To me, Madonna is femme but that may open a can of worms. Femme implies not just femininity, but strength, even power. The femme understands that her femininity is a source of power and strength, and is willing to use it on behalf of herself and those she cares for.
Femmes enjoy greater femininity as a gift of the Gods. It is not for lack of effort that most women are not highly feminine. The reality is that most dykes and straight women do not care about femininity, unless like celebrities, their livelihood depends on it. Most women are not particularly feminine; femmes are, and they know it.
Femme can be intoxicating, or obnoxious in the hands of a power-hungry diva. Many butch women seek out femmes for the gentle fierceness that a femme exudes. Femmes are prized by those who value or even worship femininity. High femininity is a treasure that cannot be faked.
If you are femme, you know it. Friends comment to you, and men give you looks when you couldn’t care less about attracting them. It’s not about dressing girly or wearing a tiara. I know femmes who wear jeans and boots, and transgendered femmes. You don’t have to look like a Hollywood star; most of them are not femme.
Femme is a gift, an extra dose of hormones or that special something that makes a femme turn heads whenever she enters a room. Femme is real, and femmes are among us. See if you can spot a femme in the crowd, on the train, inside Nordstrom Rack. That’s her in the lingerie department, buying a lace teddy for her butch. Or for her hot, independent femme self.
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