Valentine’s day weekend it is only fitting I end the Jaybird Citrine Saga.
I don’t think I’ve mentioned this in any of my blogs but I am a musician.
It is funny how certain things in your life really end up fitting together. Ulla, http://lesbianneurotica.wordpress.com/ Told me a little while ago that my art would heal my heart, and I am beginning to believe that is true.
While doing some self reflection all of my significant relationships go like this: quick passion, I write a bunch of songs or poetry about them, and then some nasty crash burn ending, and then I write more songs or poetry about the crash burn ending. Following this, some new woman finds my broken heart attractive, it strikes a spark and the cycle continues.
This time, honestly I am so burnt out on writing about Citrine, I’m going to skip the crash and burn writing part. I’m beginning to realize that though she is beautiful and the sex was great, I was passionately in love with her, I didn’t love her in a healthy sense. I noticed most of my disatisfaction in our relationships happened in periods when we weren’t sleeping together. I got bored and started remembering all these things that irritated me about her… like how high maintenance she is, how much she talks about her self. After two weeks apart, and not sleeping together for quite some time, she only has her personality to stand on, and that’s not been attractive.
I will miss her family. I said goodbye to her Aunt and told her to pass the message on, and it was really difficult. I really love them. I will also miss when she was attentive and affectionate, but it’s not something she’s interested in right now. She wants to party.
Because we have broken up so many times I know exactly how this plays out, soon I will hear about how she is in another relationship or fucking men and women all over town. I will sigh and roll my eyes and change the subject. Maybe we will run into each other, maybe we won’t. Maybe she’ll try and contact me, maybe she won’t. She might go back to Vegas. Everyone in my life that was tolerating her for me was waiting for this to happen. I will once again throw my hands up, shake my head, and accept their I told yah so’s.
But hey a beautiful girl is hard to resist.
The fun part is now my best friend in the entire world is coming up to spend the summer with me, and last night I joined a new band. Were going to play show make some money and record. Then this fall I am moving East, and taking a month off to roadtrip with my best friend.
Now that I’m performing again I have to get my ass back in shape and really start working out again, this is good because Citrine frequents the bars, me staying in shape we’ll keep me from running into her and falling back into the good sex bad partner trap.
In conclusion
Don’t have sex with you ex from three years ago after running into them in a bar, and try to go back to being couple, there is a reason they are your ex.
I have learned my lesson. I did give her tell tomorrow to give me her life changing soul searching speech, but I’m not expecting anything.
Expect more poetry and some links to my music, because while I can swear off bad relationships…
I have a weakness for beautiful women and letting them er.. inspire me into writing poetry about them…
(life)
goes on.
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