More Identity Brain Wank

I’m having an identity crisis.

I’ve been reading about gender identities and slowly butching up my look for a while and I thought I was presenting as a total dyke these days but I had someone make a comment the other day that inferred I was straight and I was a bit surprised. And today I went to visit my friend Asha at the Femme Guild stall at Fair Day and I wanted to join but I’m not a femme. I also wanted a “look how straight I look with my fist up your cunt” badge but I don’t think I look straight any more. I realised there’s a difference between a look I find attractive and a look I want to embody myself. I also realised there is a difference between how others perceive me and how I think others perceive me. Also my orientation identification is a bit fluid. Part of it is I can’t quite make my mind up or I’m still in the process of doing so. But there is also a part of it that is about me wanting the best of both worlds. I’m also starting to wonder if the butch up is about sending a message rather than looking the way I want. Hmmm it’s all a bit thought-wank. Maybe I need to think about it less. Or more. I’m not sure.

I feel like a teenager going through puberty. Its exciting but also scary and a lot of hard work.

[Via http://strangerthangirl.wordpress.com]