Everybody does some role-playing, so it’s no wonder we’re all a little curious about the lesbos that switch back and forth between butch and femme as easily and often as women change their minds. To say it is disconcerting to see a vest-wearing, tough-talking, butch morph into a coy femme who giggles at everything said, is an understatement. It makes you feel like you’ve fallen into some parallel universe, where up is down and everybody walks backwards. The only thing more confusing is to see a lesbian out with a man on a date. But that’s a topic for another day.
Why is it so disturbing to see that big, bad butch playing a girlie girl? I believe the rest of us feel deceived, like maybe we never knew her, or that she’s acting phony. Funny thing is, I actually get how this type of thing happens on some level. Different women bring out different sides of your personality. Everybody’s somebody’s butch and sombody else’s femme. Are you confused yet? Sorry. Let me explain.
I am a professional lesbian who as been on the scene for several years. If you talked to people who have known me over the years, some would say I’m butch, and some would say I’m femme, depending on how they knew me and who I was with at the time. Super femme women automatically bring out my swagger and make me feel very protective of them. That’s about as butch as I get though, given I can’t work on her car, fix anything broken or lift anything over 30 lbs. I also don’t kill bugs or go camping. But I do like my jeans and love feminine girls, even though I always wear lipstick myself. Go figure.
With that qualifier said, I have found myself with a few tomboys who had something special, where I was the one who felt protected and more the femme. And let’s face it, practically speaking, most women are better butches than me given my considerable lack of practical skills. For me, the butch/femme thing is more about attitude and posturing. I never feel fake, regardless of what role feels right at any given time. It’s all about the woman I’m with and how she makes me feel.
Okay you feminists out there. I hear you bitching in the background. I know roles are oppressive. I do. But, I believe it’s a woman’s prerogative to fall into roles. In fact, it’s our way of giving the world around us some order. Even dogs have their pecking order in the pack. I doubt seriously they are playing butch/femme roles, but they are definitely instinctual about dominance and submission. It’s their way of relating to each other.
I know it’s complicated for us tweeners, the few of us somewhere in the middle who can’t commit to ALWAYS be butch or femme at all times. Cut us some slack, already. We’re confused enough without being forced into one camp or the other. Life isn’t that neat and tidy. And yes, we all feel a little bit tough on some days and a little femme on others. So isn’t it natural to act on those feelings.
So don’t judge, already. It’s nice to be nice. Tweeners need love too.
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