Today the choir I sing in sung for a Unitarian Universalist service. The service was on Holly Near. Holly Near is an American singer-songwriter, actress, teacher and most importantly, social change activist. We sang several Holly Near songs including “I Am Willing” (I have a solo), “The Great Peace March”, “All That There Is”, and “Simply Love”. The words to “Simply Love” are as follows:
Why does my love make you shift restless in your chair
And leave you in despair
It’s simply love – my love for a woman
It’s a simple hand on a warm face to say
A glance to see if love is still ok
A glow at dawn when love is still there
Tears and strong arms at the end of the day
And simply love – my love for a woman
It’s the laughter as the kids clown
And tease our weary thoughts away
It’s looking ’round the table
And knowing hard work fed us one more day
And simply love – my love for a woman
Why does my love make you shift in your chair
It’s the bombs across the border
That should make you tear your hair
And yet it’s my love leaves you screaming out your nightmare
Perhaps you know there’s something you should fear
If my love makes me strong and makes
you disappear
It’s simply love – my love for a woman
When we sung “Simply Love” in our Spring Concert last year, I had a speaking part as part of the introduction before the song was sung. I talked about my marriage to my wife and how it’s not only not recognized legally where I live, but was also not supported by all of my friends and family. Several months ago I gave this introduction in the city I was born and raised. This was shortly after I was married. Of course, being in my hometown made me think about my mother who does not support my marriage or the thought of me being a lesbian and before we could get through the song, I was in tears.
Well today I felt that same deep moving and was unable to get through the song without crying. The words are beautiful, and the song is beautiful. Every time we sing the song, it makes me think of my mother who I haven’t talked to in over a year now and people in the world who want to judge me because of the person that I love.
My mother and I use to be close, very close. We would talk everyday and we would talk about everything. After I came out, we did not talk for almost a year. Eventually we started talking again, but she was short and distant. She never would call me; I would always have to call her. If my wife’s name (girlfriend at the time) ever came up she would shut down, and basically the conversation would be over. Eventually I got tired of being the one that always had to do the calling. I got tired of her shortness. I got tired of her being evil. I got tired of the uneasiness of our conversations. So, on January 1, 2009 I stopped calling her. I stopped subjecting myself to her shortness. I stopped subjecting myself to her evilness and the uneasiness of our conversations. When I stopped calling, we stopped talking because she refused to call. I am her oldest daughter (she has 1 other daughter) and she has yet to pick up the phone and call me.
Recently my wife and I have been talking more and more about having kids. It’s sad to think that a child that I birth will have no interaction with their biological grandmother.
I’d be remised if I didn’t however mention my father who has been more supportive than I could have ever imagined. He was not only at my wedding; he walked me down the aisle. He has tried to get my mother to come around, but to no avail.
So when we sing “Simply Love” I honestly wonder why my love for a woman makes my mother shift restless in her chair? I can’t fathom while people are so concerned about my marriage when we are in not one, but two wars? I am in a healthy happy relationship with a wonderful woman. She is one of the kindest people I know. Sadly, my mother hasn’t even tried to get to know her. She doesn’t know what a wonderful person I have in my life.
The service today was good and gave me a lot to think about. Thank you to Holly Near for all of the social justice work she has done and continues to do and thank you to my wife, my family and friends who support me and “Simply Love”.
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