by Stirling.
Rage and Loneliness often seem two sides of the same dirty little coin. I got a free subscription to a adult web cam service. That old hatred of woman comes up sometimes, and I fear this is the time. There are about a thousand dudes on, and about 50 women. A woman can get 500 views just by looking into the webcam and licking her lips. Do you know what a man can do to get female attention? Neither do I. I’ve studied feminism some, and I like what it says for the most part. I know I don’t have any right to a woman. But its so frustrating. When I first studied feminism it made me so angry because I thought “The Patriarchy? Bullshit, women run everything.”
I’m sure that to women it is really sad and unfair that they have to sexualize themselves to be successful. You know what’s unfair to me? That I can’t sexualize myself to be successful. A woman can rub her breasts through her shirt, showing nothing, and 750 viewers will show up to watch, to compliment, to encourage. There is nothing, absolutely nothing have that can motivate women to affirm me the same way men can be motivated to affirm a woman.
So much power! A woman can get her desired sex to pay for her, compete for her, fight for her, steal for her, even kill for her. I couldn’t get a woman to even look at me. One woman actually talked to me. She was 20 years older then I am, and as soon as she found out I was not available to service her that evening, she lost all interest in talking to me. A man having the same standards under the same circumstances is laughable. Woman can do it because whatever power the lack politically they have sexually if they chose to. Women are competed for by men, men are not competed for by women. Go to any place where men go to meet women, and you will find predominately men looking for women, and a handful of woman turning down man, after man, after man.
The unfairness of it all hurts sometimes. Supposedly, as a white male I am the center of privilege and authority on earth. I would give it up to live as man in a matriarchal society. Imagine going into a bar, and its 80% women. As you walk in with your buddies, every eye in the place turns to you. Other then a few drunks and married gals, every woman there wants you naked and pressed inside her a she rides you hard into the mattress. You go up to the bar, and someone offers to buy you a drink. You flirt for drinks, and go play pool with the best looking one woman. She lets you win, and she takes you home to a messy apartment and fucks you. They all want to fuck you. Any woman you offered yourself too would fuck you, you just have to chose the good ones.
My, it must be a rough life.
I know in my head this wrong. I know that when a woman walks into a bar and everyone stares at her she feels like meat, and probably a bit unsafe. The constant “I’m willing to fuck you” would get really old after awhile because at some point you would feel like “Yes, I know you want to fuck me, everyone one wants to fuck me. But do you like me? Do you think I am a cool person? Do I make you laugh? ” Money has value based on scarcity, and I suppose when everyone who has the opposite genitals you do would nip off behind the shed with you, sexual desire ceases to have relationship scarcity and your coin becomes something more esoteric. It makes perfect sense, really.
And if forces me to confront the real truth. I don’t want women to want to fuck me. I get all the sex I need from my wife. But I am a black hole of need for approval and affirmation.
A lot of guys have fantasies about ménage à trois. You know what my 2 woman fantasy is? I want to sit between two women on a couch. I want their luscious hips pressed up against me. I want them to slide arms against mine as we watch a chick flick. I want to feel them cry a bit and know that they trust me enough with their emotions to do so in front of me. I want shinning eyes, long glances, accidental contact. I kisses on the cheek and playful slaps on the ass. My two woman fantasy is being the housekeeper for a lovely lesbian couple?
I don’t feel like much of real man writing this. Doesn’t a real man want to fuck lots of women? Isn’t a real man complete in himself? Doesn’t he have sex purely for pleasure and without emotional complications? But I know that I don’t want to see naked women who want to be fucked anymore. I don’t want to see a woman strip to get me off. I want a woman to reveal her self to me. If I woman wants to be naked for me, I want it to be for the real me, not the me male stereotypes tell her I am supposed to be.
I want to be loved. I’m sick of the presto, ready-made, just-add-lust, kind of bliss that online relationships have. It never tastes as good as the home made stuff. I want to be special, approved off, sought after.
And nobody gives a shit. So the loneliness turns to rage. I hate the whole world right now, but mostly the women. I hate every Jimmy Cricket bullshit line I’ve ever been told about how being yourself is the real path to friends. Myself is an straight but artistic and sensitive guy who is profoundly well read, in good shape and in a relationally (rather then sexually) open relationship. Nobody cares what my opinion is, what I think, what book I’ve read today. I’ married and I don’t fuck for sport so I priced myself out of the market.
Fuck you all.
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