The street parade is a highlight of the ChillOut festival that delivers a positive celebration of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender pride. This year’s theme, 2010: a bush odyssey, took many gun toting gayliens away from the controls of their ships to exchange fire in Daylesford’s main street.
the soft red glow
warms a room with no windows
to the outside world.
A world that is an unwelcome distraction
to us
as we travel around
the planets that are our bodies.
I circle you,
kissing and chasing
expanses of land, hills and caves.
The island of your plump lip,
juicy and moist,
presses against mine.
I look inside your bra
and see far away birds,
little “m” shapes in an areola dusk
flying towards the pink, pointed sun.
I too reach for this dream location,
and take this vision of serenity
into my mouth.
As the birds remain static,
frozen by the dusk turning to night,
I go further south
to warmer and more welcoming climates,
our travelling quickens pace
and with urgency
and sharpened breaths
we both come to the same destination.
It’s hard to talk to Dragonette about other women. We’re in this weird place together. I want to be with her, on some level. Even if it’s just casual to get our bearings. And as far as I can tell, she wants that too. I believe her, which I have had trouble with in the past. But that doesn’t change the fact that she is a world away. And we are both meeting people, and deciding to let ourselves like them or not.
The world sent me a sign today. Flower Girl. Leave it to random encounters for enlightenment, eh?
She made me realize that I am being so overwhelmingly paranoid about offending women by liking them without knowing their sexual orientation. We talked about the inherent fluidity of sexuality. People have been sleeping with members of the same sex for centuries. It’s only now that it is categorized. I have to get over the fear of it all.
And I have to let go of Zero. She’s the real reason I haven’t been dating women. When she called me last month as a part of her 9 Step NA program, I was floored. She still has the ability to floor me. After all these years. Which is why dating men is so much easier. I’m just not as emotionally affected by them. Which creates difficult situations because the sexual attraction swiftly fades and I’m left wanting something else (which is a completely different story).
Back on track…I don’t want to feel like that ever again. The way Zero made me feel. So I stopped dating women. I ran away from MF (which I deeply regret), I fled from Skinny (which was a good thing), I passed up opportunity after opportunity, because I refused to let myself fall that sexually, emotionally, mentally, deeply again. And in the middle of it all, I met Dragonette.
I don’t know where most of this is going. I’m sleep deprived and feeling honest, and talking to her makes me want to hug her and date her and hold her hand. Which kind of makes me want to vomit. But mainly makes me scared and delirious. And I’m pretty sure she doesn’t like holding hands with people.
I’m so freaking gay.
I’ve been kissing girls since pre-school…and now I decide to have a sexuality crisis?
Jesus. I am so backwards. Such is my life, y’all.
Last weekend, when the earthquake hit in Chile, there was a huge alert in Hawaii for a potentially disastrous tsunami. We were glued to the TV, watching coverage on CNN, MSNBC and I believe BBC in America. Transfixed.
As regular readers know, we have kicked out the internal system that has gotten us thru the past…well all of our life. The weaved sat on top, throwing colors and textures into a loom as each color was needed to function. Colors were people, emotions, functions such as driving and dealing with clients…splinters.
This was a very autocratic system. The Weavef would pull something up and it would have to be there. Whenever there was dissention in the ranks, very infrequently, the Weaver would throw in the Furies to scare the shit out of everybody else hence achieve compliance.
We’ve decided that this is not a good internal organization. Too secluded. Kept everybody sepRate from the rest. No communication hence no cooperation. No teamsmanship. No personal growth learning or real expression for any of the splints. Which is all counter to our goals in getting better.
So the old system is gone. Unfortunately the Weaver doesn’t have a new conceptualization yet so things are rather chaotic. Hence the drive to create increased safety and stabilization at this time.
Watching the fizzled Hawaiian tsunami something began to form. Something so familiar in the pattern of waves crashing onto new and higher ground. Followed by the sucking out of the sea, leaving the seafloor totally exposed. And able to be seen.
This in out in out pattern is how our life seems to be these days. Battle royale leaving our sea floor bare and exposed. Then crashing in of waves on new territory and the coolness of that epiphanous moment. Then the draining back, to create even greater self-awareness. In out in out.
We like the idea of the ocean. It is vast and seemingly infinite while holding itself to very firm boundaries to keep if safe and functional. The currents the riptides the stillness at any given minute. The tremendous temperature variances of the same water system. The ebb and the flow. The teeming lives that it supports. The tempest and the doldrums. All in one package. Oxygen aplenty.
We are not quite sure how to go about reorganizing ourselves. There’s not yet formed a global interpretation but we think we’re getting close. All those molecules separate but equal, forming the planef’s biggest biomass. So fagile and yet so overwhelmingly powerful. Awesome.
The only safe place we had as a kid was our house on the ocean on the Maine coast. Tides are very apparent there, some of the most extreme in the world. It’s so cold it takes your breath away. Some days the high tide pounds on the rocky beach and other days it creeps in on kittens’ paws to steal from Robert Frost.
Anyway. Like a journalist with a scent on news we see something here. Something fluid, able to sustain incredible and diverse life forms. Has it’s own rhythms yet is capable of tremendous change in an instant.
So. Any thoughts on how the Weaver can put this all together?
MUNNYWORLD (mini MUNNY) ~ 4-Inch Multicolor Edition
Buy all of them and be as gay as you wanna be!!
want em? go get em here!
If patriarchal sexism punishes women for not being men, racism punishes people of colour for not being white, and homophobia punishes gay and gender variant for not being straight – does that mean that in some kind of (or someone’s) ‘perfect’ world, would everyone be white males… who are all exclusively heterosexual??
How would that work?
Diversity and difference makes this world tick, that is why we, to each other, should talk.
Tick
Talk
Tick
Talk
Tick
Talk
The sound of human history.
